Try forming a fist with your hand then ask someone to pull each finger to open your palm. Because you’re clenching your fingers, you feel pain as the other person tries to forcibly unclasp it. Gradually, you begin to realize your only option is to let go or endure the torture. That’s how God disciplined and broke me to obey Him.
Some thirteen years ago, I met a guy who was far from perfect but, in every way, complement my personality. His love for adventure and crowd’s attention peppered with his unique sense of humor made him charming in his own way. These same traits drew me to him and three years after engagement, I married this fun-loving guy as I knew he was the right one for me. Barely two years of being husband and wife, episodes of cheating surfaced which inevitably led to where we are now – strangers.
No one enters into any relationship hoping it will end. More so, I have not met anyone who marry another person contemplating separation as an option and rarely have I encountered someone who, at some point in his life, has not dreamed of tying the knot and raising a family of his own. My husband and I shared the same hope but ironically, I did not fight hard enough to work out our marriage. Because of this, I took a hard beating from people who were aware of our situation and insisted it was just one of the many phases of a union – as if infidelity is part of any marriage and as a wife, I was expected to bear through it. But I gave in to all of these and reached out to my husband. I must admit, it was not easy and my heart was consistently burdened while I was doing this. My efforts contradicted my prayer for annulment until one night, a resolution came to me to just open my palm and let go. I felt a surge of guilt and doubts haunted me whether I was doing the right thing or not but I had to trust God who “redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with His loving kindness and compassion” (Psalm 103:4) I had peace with that decision. It was my queue to re-discuss annulment with my husband and strangely, I was confident he would finally agree this time. He did. My answered prayer.
Yes, I am a firm believer that what God has put together, no man can separate and that God honors marriage. Surely, He honors mine but sometimes, God allows detours and I just need to trust and obey. Oftentimes, I regret not seeking God’s best before marrying my husband but that is “forming a fist” once again. As harsh and as indifferent it may sound, it is what it is. The reality of faith is that, God’s will for each and every marriage is not uniform. What He wills for you may not be the same as His plans for me. One thing is certain though – when you surrender your ashes to God, He replaces it with beauty and brings you joy after the mourning.